Friday, July 8, 2011

Reality Sucks

This is becoming more real every day.  I realized yesterday that saying I am 49 out loud is easy now compared to saying the word cancer out loud!  I still find myself avoiding the "C" word.  But I guess I have to get used to it.  I needed a lot more tissue yesterday.  I had follow up ultrasound. One spot on same side looks like the "C" word.  Right side questionable.  So back for biopsy next Tuesday.  The news hit me really hard, even though I already new I had it.  I guess the best scenario has changed, I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to be part of that pink ribbon club. Ahhhhh, don't always get what we want!
I did have the nicest radiologist yesterday, very caring and informative.  Not sure he new what to say when he said the one looked bad and I started to cry on the table.  He called me "kiddo" and for some strange reason that made me feel good.  Then I had to go change out of the x-ray kimono and walk by all the ladies waiting in their kimonos.  They looked at me stone faced, not sure if they felt sorry for me or if they were worried they were next!!  So, we are off to basketball tournament in San Diego.  I will try to keep myself from continually thinking about my breasts!!  I haven't told any of these people yet, so small talk will be the extent of our conversations. That is probably a good thing for a couple days.  Thanks for all the love. ♥

1 comment:

stephanie zea said...

Sara, have not stopped thinking of you and sending prayers. Take it a moment at a time. Don't get overwhelmed. We'll have tea when I get home later this week. Love, steph