Saturday, March 31, 2012

My Port was Purple!!!

Port is out!  I guess it served its purpose but good riddance! What a funny day Tuesday was.  My scheduled surgery was 7:30 a.m., same hospital as previous surgeries.  I was given a little reminder paper that told me when to quit eating etc and what time to be there.  It was a little hard to tell if it said 6:00 or 6:30.  I decided it said 6:30 since I hate getting up early.  We arrived about 6:40.   Bruce sent me in wrong building after a little debate, which I figured he was right since my memory is pretty screwy lately.  I signed in and waited in an unfamiliar waiting room.  After a short while they called my name and told me I was in the wrong building!!  So I hurried across the street to other building.  I got checked in late, I felt like I was holding up entire days schedule (which I was!).  So, they got me situated and nurse started an IV, only creating a few bruises in the process.  I was wheeled into operating room.  I did not get general anesthesia, but what they call "twilight".  I saw everyone come, set things up and remember talking a bit.  Then I woke up shortly in recovery and went home.
I later tell Bruce I have had this weird memory and am not sure if it was a dream or if it really happened.  I was lying on table and someone shows me port after it was out and asked me if I wanted to keep it,  I looked at it, laughed and said no.  Later in the week, while getting re-inflated I asked plastic surgeon about twilight anesthesia.  I told him story, he said some people remember.  I asked if a port is purple.  He said yes, so it was true!!!  He said he didn't know why they would ask if I wanted it.  Well, he doesn't know me too well.  I probably told them earlier that I wanted it.  Then I start to think, what else did I say?!?  Did I tell Dr Zannis' nurse I used to think she was a bitch?  Tell Dr. Zannis we want Bruce to get haircut like him?  That I feel like just a number in his system now?  Did I talk about my comedy shop underwear?  My new fake boobs?  What a funny feeling.  Like I was the only drunk one at the party and can't remember what happened.  Bruce hopes they gave me extra drugs if I was talking too much!  I did schedule follow up appointment for next week and they allowed it!  I will see how that goes!  The moral of this story is: Certain people (like me) should not have twilight anesthesia!  Knock me all the way out! 
I am feeling better most of the time.  I am a bit sore in chest and arm muscles, especially in the morning.  I do tire easily, but am feeling a bit more normal  I have some hair growth (like 1/4 of an inch!).  When I look in mirror it reminds me of my Mom and that makes me sad.  I still wear my wig when I go out and really don't like it.  I know it is only temporary.  I know I'm a cancer patient when my Vance says his friends are coming over and I say, "do I have to put on my wig?"
I met with oncologist last week as well.  I will start on Tamoxifen on April 9 (basically it is an estrogen inhibitor).  Then I will have follow ups with him to see how I react.  So most of the "active" treatment is done, except for exchange which won't be for six months.  So, time to get myself put back together!
Oh, and Bald Barbie is on schedule to be created, nice.................
Thanks again for the never ending support, caring and Love!!!
Sara ♥

Mattel will make a bald friend of Barbie with interchangeable wigs, scarves and other accessories thanks to an online campaign started by two women affected by cancer Read more by Michelle Castillo on CBS News' HealthPop.

Monday, March 12, 2012

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger!!!!

So, appropriately this song is playing on the radio as I drove to my last radiation treatment.  I couldn't have said it better myself.  The surgery didn't kill me, the chemo didn't kill me, and the radiation didn't kill me.  Therefore I must be stronger!  I definitely do not look stronger, I do not physically feel stronger (in fact I feel wiped out and look like a deflated blow up doll!!!) but I am sure I must be emotionally stronger.  I have finished on more regimen of treatment!  I look back and realize what a long ass, ten months this journey (as some people call it) has been.  I am starting to see a glimmer of light ahead.  I have made it through these treatments with the help and support of my wonderful family and friends.  I have learned so much about how much people care.  It is truly amazing.
My radiated side is bright red, swollen and blistering.  It hurts more than I thought but I am learning which creams work and how to manage the side effects.   Dr. Kuske says that's just how he wants it to look!  He is very assured he took care of any lingering cancer cells.  I have faith in him and hope he is right! 
I will hopefully be getting this damn port out soon,  I have an appoint this Wednesday to schedule procedure.  Then get my deflated boob re-inflated.  At the end of month I meet with Dr Wendt (oncologist) to go over and plan for hormone treatment (tamoxofin).  I have read a lot about it, some people have bad experiences others tolerate it well.  I will try it and see how it goes.  Then, exchange surgery in six months (exchange temporary fake boobs for permanent fake boobs!!!) 
I am so looking forward to being back to my old self (I won't say normal!).  I feel like I look at life a bit different now and think this (cancer) has been a huge learning and growing experience for me.  We have a trip planned to Cancun on June 13th with some friends to celebrate my 50th.  I am looking forward to it, and try to enjoy every little thing in my life as well! 
Thanks again.... to everyone.
Love, Sara ♥♥♥