Everything is Temporary!!!!

It has been said that time flies when you're having fun.  Time also flies when you are not having fun!  I have been reminded and also realize I haven't  posted anything in almost a month.  I am attempting to regain some normalcy in my life.  I can't say it's happening too fast.  I still seem to have lingering side effects from chemo.  The biggest reminders are a terrible memory, insomnia and I have body temperature issues.  I go from freezing with four blankets, socks and a hat to baking and sweating.  It is hard to know how much is from chemo and how much is complete hormonal imbalance.  I still haven't noticed any hair growth and this bald lady look is getting really old!
I have completed 19 radiation treatments.  I think I have 13 left.  I have some local skin reaction and I get easily fatigued and tired (some might say bitchy and cranky!!).  It is pretty much painless, takes about an hour and a half to get there, get radiated and get home.  It is soooo much easier than chemo but I wouldn't say it is a walk in the park!!
I have been getting out more.  The things people say amaze me.  I know (hope) they are said with good intention, but sometimes I just look at them and agree because I am speechless!  I think the neighbor lady across the street is scared I may be contagious! I went to Bunco for first time since diagnosis.  Wow, I felt so loved and so happy to be back! ♥ 
My "normal" life is good.  Vance is finishing up basketball season.  I know he worries about me, but doesn't say much.  I talk, he doesn't, but I guess that is teenage communication.  Other boys busy and well.  Bruce keeps too busy and really likes me to eat a LOT of protein!  He found a little Yorkie dog a couple weeks ago, no one claimed her so we fostered her for a few days and found a great home for her.
I have been trying not to read so much on the internet about cancer prevention and treatment.  I did read one thing that made me think, "why is everything so focused on why I have cancer, when it should be focused on why others don't!"  Just a thought.
Well, that's about all I can think of right now.  Thanks for all the continuing love and support.  It means so much to me and my family.
♥ Sara ♥

                                       

A Perfect Storm.

As my head starts to clear I am finding myself more and more confused.  I have been reading and researching many different aspects of cancer, specifically breast cancer.  The internet can be such a wealth of information that must be somehow deciphered.  I am not sure it is possible to find total truth.  So, I think it becomes a personal perspective or conclusion.  When it comes to cancer there is a continuing debate about, awareness, prevention and a cure.  I think most people are well aware of it and know there is no "cure".  So, the prevention becomes the main variable that we can try to control. 
Cancer is a multi-factoral disease, often described as "a perfect storm".  In fact, cancer remains a huge mystery to the medical industry, more recent studies suggest it is genetically triggered with environmental and dietary consequences.  Knowing this I find myself wondering what was the real trigger for me?  I played with the mercury from broken thermometers, swam in a highly chlorinated pool everyday for many years, didn't use sunscreen, drank red cool-aid and ate pixie sticks and ran with scissors!  I also ate a lot of fresh fruit right off the trees, ate vegetables from my Dad's garden, exercised regularly and never smoked.  So then I have to wonder why so many people with cancer feel the need to know what they did to "get cancer".  Maybe it is pressure from society to find something or someone to blame.  I personally think it is more random than that.  There are some "health nuts" that still get cancer and then there are the people who are obese, don't exercise, smoke, and even drink tap water and have no signs of cancer and of course the "average" person who may or may not get cancer. I do not think anyone knows the answer to that.  
So whatever it is that caused  a perfect storm to erupt in my body is truly unknown.  I am doing what I can to live my life as healthy as I can (within reason!!).  I never really eat beef or pork and never eat veal or lamb (because I am a true animal lover!).  Poultry sometimes and fish the most often.  Fruits and vegetables are now falling out of our fridge!  Dairy and processed food will be very limited, this is hard because I do love cheese.  My type of cancer loves estrogen and sugar, there is a huge list I am trying to follow to starve any little cells trying to grow!!!  Alcohol and wine are on the list of no-nos :(.  However there is quite a controversy about red wine and I will take the moderation side to that dispute!!!  I have been walking and trying to get back into some sort of shape soon!!  I haven't gone to the gym yet, still self conscious about hair situation.
I am still waiting to find out my radiation treatment plan, hopefully soon because nothing else can continue until that is done.  So I am doing my best to be patient (not real easy for me!).

Thought I would share this list (one of many philosophies out there) I found in the clouds!  Number 64 is probably the best!!
                          Michael Pollan Food Rules List:

• 1. Eat food
• 2. Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food 

• 3. Avoid food products containing ingredients that no ordinary human would keep in the pantry
• 4. Avoid food products that contain high-fructose corn syrup
• 5. Avoid food products that have some form of sugar (or sweetener listed among) the top three ingredients
• 6. Avoid food products that have more than 5 ingredients
• 7. Avoid food products containing ingredients that a third-grader cannot pronounce
• 8. Avoid food products that make health claims
• 9. Avoid food products with the word "lite" or the terms "low fat" or "nonfat" in their names
• 10. Avoid foods that are pretending to be something they are not
• 11. Avoid foods you see advertised on television
• 12. Shop the peripheries of the supermarket and stay out of the middle
• 13. Eat only foods that will eventually rot
• 14. Eat foods made from ingredients that you can picture in their raw state or growing in nature
• 15. Get out of the supermarket whenever you can
• 16. Buy your snacks at the farmers market
• 17. Eat only foods that have been cooked by humans
• 18. Don't ingest foods made in places where everyone is required to wear a surgical cap
• 19. If it came from a plant, eat it; if it was made in a plant, don't.
• 20. It's not food if it arrived through the window of your car
• 21. It's not food if it's called by the same name in every language (Think Big Mac, Cheetos or Pringles)
• 22. Eat mostly plants, especially leaves
• 23. Treat meat as a flavoring or special occasion food
• 24. Eating what stands on one leg [mushrooms and plant foods] is better than eating what stands on two legs [fowl], which is better than eating what stands on four legs [cows, pigs and other mammals].
• 25. Eat your colors
• 26. Drink the spinach water
• 27. Eat animals that have themselves eaten well
• 28. If you have space, buy a freezer
• 29. Eat like an omnivore
• 30. Eat well-grown food from healthy soil
• 31. Eat wild foods when you can
• 32. Don't overlook the oily little fishes
• 33. Eat some foods that have been predigested by bacterial or fungi
• 34. Sweeten and salt your food yourself
• 35. Eat sweet foods as you find them in nature
• 36. Don't eat breakfast cereals that change the color of the milk
• 37. The whiter the bread, the sooner you'll be dead
• 38. Favor the kinds of oils and grains that have traditionally been stone-ground
• 39. Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself
• 40. Be the kind of person who takes supplements - then skip the supplements
• 41. Eat more lie the French. Or the Japanese. Or the Italians. Or the Greeks.
• 42. Regard nontraditional foods with skepticism
• 43. Have a glass of wine with dinner
• 44. Pay more, eat less
• 45. Eat less
• 46. Stop eating before you're full
• 47. Eat when you are hungry, not when you are bored
• 48. Consult your gut
• 49. Eat slowly
• 50. The banquet is in the first bite
• 51. Spend as much time enjoying the meal as it took to prepare it
• 52. Buy smaller plates and glasses
• 53. Serve a proper portion and don't go back for seconds
• 54. Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, dinner like pauper
• 55. Eat meals
• 56. Limit your snacks to unprocessed plant foods
• 57. Don't get your fuel from the same place your car does
• 58. Eat at the table
• 59. Try not to eat alone
• 60. Treat treats as treats
• 61. Leave something on your plate
• 62. Plant a vegetable garden if you have space, a window box if you don't
• 63. Cook
• 64. Break the rules once in a while

Thank you to my family and friends for all your continuing concern, support and love!  Sometimes little things mean so much, especially during trying times!  Those frequent letters from Seattle bring me to tears every time in such a nice way!!  Sara ♥♥♥

PS  I have a guest writer that will be adding articles to this blog :).

Exercise And Cancer- Fitness During And After Treatment

Physical fitness is a chief component of “energy balance,” a term that describes how exercise, weight, and diet impact health. According to the National Cancer Institute, numerous studies link physical activity to reduced cancer risks, increased survival rates, and improved quality of life.

Various medical studies have revealed the positive effects of exercise on several different types of cancer. Colon, breast, endometrial, lung, and prostate cancers are some examples.  Current studies funded by the National Cancer Institute are exploring the impact of exercise on other cancers.

Physical activity is related to health in numerous ways. In healthy people, exercise controls weight, improves heart health, reduces blood pressure, maintains muscles, improves bone and joint health, reduces stress, promotes emotional health, and so much more.

Exercise is beneficial for cancer patients, too. Not only do they enjoy the same health benefits as healthy people, but they reap additional benefits, too. Physical activity returns the sense of control that is so often lost to cancer diagnosis and treatment. Exercise enables patients to cope with their various cancer symptoms and treatment side effects. It typically speeds their recovery time, and it greatly enhances their quality of life.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, adults need about two-and-a-half hours of exercise each week. They need moderate aerobic activity, such as brisk walking, as well as strengthening activities that work all the major muscle groups.

Cancer patients may not be able to start a fitness program at this level, and that is all right. Exercise helps patients maximize their health both during and after treatment, and even small amounts of activity produce measurable benefits. Studies show that women who exercise after breast cancer surgery and chemotherapy live longer lives, with less risk of recurrence. Colorectal cancer survivors who exercise also experience improved survival rates. Even people in mesothelioma treatment experience benefits: improved mood, reduced fatigue, and more self-confidence.

Many cancer patients wonder when they should start a fitness program after diagnosis and treatment. “As soon as possible,” say most medical experts. Stress, depression, sickness, and fatigue work together to down-shift physical activity during cancer treatment. But exercise is essential for a good recovery.

As each person’s situation is different, cancer patients should check with their doctor before starting an exercise program. Upon their doctor’s approval, they should incorporate moderate activity into their daily lives. Exercise is critical to the physical health and emotional well-being of cancer patients. It greatly improves their outlook, and it provides the strength and energy necessary to fight their illness well.

Bald Barbie!!!

I am actually feeling like I am done with this regimen of chemo.  I still have some lingering side effects, but nothing too debilitating.  I am exhausted and working on getting an appetite back, oh and hopefully grow some hair back!  I went for a couple mile walk today, I am so looking forward to getting in some sort of shape!  I have been in bed too long, watching "let's make a deal" everyday at 2:00!  Pretty sad!!
I went to get my expander deflated a little by plastic surgeon yesterday.  I walked in with my fab wig on and the receptionist who is there every time asks me my name.  I told her and she was like "Oh, wow, I didn't even recognize you!"  I knew I looked bad but....She said, "No you look good!"   Yeah right.  Oh well, I haven't been there since September and it's been a pretty gruelling five months!!!
I went to radiologist today.  Dr. Kuske drew all over my side to be radiated with a black marker.  They call it mapping and that is just what it looks like.  Then some magnetic markers and then a CAT scan.  Then three tiny little tattoos, I asked for hearts or stars but the tech said she wasn't creative, so dots is all I have.  They showed me the computer view of scan, and said I had a big heart!  Ahhhh, that was sweet.
I should start a week from Monday.  Side effects should be nothing compared to chemo, mainly fatigue and some sun burn like issues. That's all I know about schedule so far. 
I am very relieved this part is over as well as holiday season.  It was very nice and everyone was so generous, but I was very "out of the loop".  I will be back soon!
I am so very thankful for friends and family that have been there for me as well as my immediate family.  We definitely don't realize what we have until we really need it.  So, a huge thank you to so many people who have been part of this journey.
Sara ♥♥♥
                                             Bald Barbie!?!  I Think Great  A Idea!

                              http://www.facebook.com/#!/BeautifulandBaldBarbie

Happy New Year!!!

The year 2011 will be one I will remember, but wish I could forget.  Scars and Worries will forever be a reminder and part of my future life.  Although this whole "cancer" thing has been quite unpleasant, it has exposed to me what fabulous family and friends I do have.  So many people have gone so far out of their way to help me, not only by bringing me food and gifts, but by letting me know they are there for me.  I thank you all so much for all you have done!
I have my last chemo treatment on Tuesday.  I am thankful for that.  I have definitely been worn down by all this, both physically and emotionally.  I am just tired. I am not sure I feel the finality that people around me feel. As this round of chemo ends, another part of treatment begins.  After all the "treatments and procedures" are done I will move on with  life.  I hope I can be one of those "positive " people that believe they won the fight.  I think that is easier said than done.  I am going to work really hard to think positive and surround myself with people that do the same.
I met with radiologist oncologist last week.  He is very knowledgeable and confident.  So, I am set to begin in later January.  Average is 33 times, so about 6 weeks.  They have some mathematical formulas to figure out exactly how many and how much radiation to give.  Anyway I go back on Friday the 13 to have another CAT scan and  "dry run" and get some tiny tattoos for the radiation beam.  The tattoos are little dots, I am going to ask for little hearts or something more fun.  They will most likely say no, but worth asking!! 
I will go see plastic surgeon before and have right side (non radiated side) get deflated by 20%.  Not too bad and just until radiation is finished.  I also found out I have to wait 6 months before the "exchange" surgery. (That is exchanging the expanding implants for real fake ones).  So I will have big hard ones for a while!  Something to look forward to, haha!!
Here's to a Happy and Healthy New Year!  Thanks again for all the positive thoughts and love sent my way!
Love Sara ♥♥♥

High Five???

Looks like I must have become tired of this blog.  Really just not much new to report.  Treatment #4 was similar to previous treatments although the fatigue really lasted almost entire time.  I actually became short of breath cleaning out the fridge, that is sad :(.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Hopefully when this chemo is finished I will return to normal (or what was normal for me).                                                                                                                                                                 I finally manged to make it to one of Vance's basketball games.  I saw quite a few people there and had many nice conversations, although it feels like a blur!  So glad to be there though.  I worked hard (or obsessed as Bruce would say) to get as much Christmas stuff done before today.  I try to tell myself whatever gets done is fine, but easier said than done. Clark is graduating on Friday night, which is usually worst side effect day so I am going to do my best to make it. 
I had number five today.  Went to lunch with Sharlene after we had a tour of downtown Phoenix thanks to my navigation!  Finished up some errands and then it hit me,  That raw stomach..... so I fixed up my little area with laptop, water, remote and pills all in a line!  So, I will most likely be here for at least the week arrrgggg.
Thanks again for the continuing support, prayers and love!  Hope to be back soon!
Sara ♥♥♥

May The Fourth Be With Me!!!

Today was number treatment four.  I feel like now I am actually halfway done with the chemo part of this journey.  It is peculiar how something so unthinkable becomes almost routine.  I was accompanied by my girlfriend Karen today.  We stopped at Starbucks and arrived on time.  I don't even have to sign in anymore, they know me well now!  Dr. Wendt was great as usual, answers questions and spends as much time as needed before heading to the room of toxic infusions!  A lot of random but fun conversations and the 3 hours went pretty quick.  Karen and I had a great salad for lunch and lots to catch up on.  Once I was home and pretty wound up on all the steroids I got some things done.  I took a variety of pills; anti-nausea, pain and unfortunately more steroids!  I now have some sleep aid pills to add, I think I was becoming tolerant to Tylenol PM.  In addition to all the chemical reactions I am now in what they call "Chemopause".  May be a permanent addition to my life, but I won't know for a while.  So, one more excuse to moodiness and sleeplessness!  I feel like I should be able to predict and control side effects better as I unfortunately get used to things.  I have acupuncture appointment this Wednesday, which will be interesting to see how it helps when I feel truly like shit.  Back to Dr. Wendt's for bone marrow development injection in the morning. He keeps reminding me the benefits outweigh the risks, so I suppose I will listen.
Thanksgiving is pretty well planned for Bruce, Vance, Clark and a few friends of Clark's friends.  Should be different but fun.  Hopefully I can join them for part of it.  Tami came from Havasu and we made a real cornucopia for the table.  I hope I can thaw it out properly!
We have so much to be thankful for!  Everyone continues to be so thoughtful and helpful to all of us in so many ways!  During this Thanksgiving time a HUGE THANKS from all of us!  Hope everyone has a fabulous holiday! 
Sara ♥♥♥


                                                              

The Fog is Lifting!!

The fog is beginning to clear again.  I am feeling well enough to get out of bed for more than an hour!  I am seeing a definite cycle and pattern to these chemo side effects.  I don't really like what I see but kind of know what is coming next.  They say there is a cumulative effect after each treatment and side effects can become worse.  This is a bit frightening as I have three more treatments left.  I experienced same pattern of pain. nausea, and HEADACHE as previous times.  Now I can add really dry wrinkled (more than normal) skin and what they call peripheral neuropathy (a numbness and tingling of fingers and toes).  So far I only feel it on two fingers and thumb on my right hand.  It is pretty annoying and I hope it doesn't get much worse.  Other than that I hope to be on the upside of treatment three.
I returned to the acupuncturist yesterday.  I was told I had a weak pulse and then treated for nausea and headache with the needles.  After the normal 28 minutes the needles are removed.  The acupuncturist came in the room to remove mine and took my pulse again.  She told me "you need one hour for treatment"!  I guess I didn't respond like she wanted.   I actually did feel better, although my headache returned a few hours later.  I have another appointment Friday, and hopefully I will feel somewhat funtional until number four.
I took the dogs on a decent walk today with a new friend I met online! It was just the Breastcancer.org website in the Phoenix section.  Turns out she lives right across canal from me.  We are both bald and at same point in treatment.  We have a lot to talk about as well as laugh about.
Bruce has been so helpful and supportive in every way.  He seems to end up at the grocery store at least once everyday.  He has learned that the minute you get home and start unpacking and you think of something we need and a new list is started!  It is never ending!
Vance has been able to drive himself around and it is a huge help for all of us.  Plus, he can now be on-time or even early to things.  He locked the keys in the truck the other night when he was with some friends.  He called a locksmith and paid $150.00 to get them out.  Why he didn't call home and have someone bring a spare, when he was half a mile away?  We don't know but it was an expensive life lesson for him!
Clark is busy with school and work but manages to check in on me at least a couple times a week.  So sweet.  He just got hired as a "flight instructor" at the Chandler Airport.  We are so proud and happy for him. 
Drew is still happy in Estonia.  We skype talk frequently.  He too is so sweet and concerned about me.
This is sounding like a Christmas letter so I will  quit going on and on!
Thanks to all of family and friends for the support, love and prayers (and the occasional gift!).  I am honestly so thankful and fortunate.
♥ Sara ♥

Welcome Back Side Effects!

I had chemo treatment number three on Monday.  The side effects are kicking in and they feel all too familiar.  Metallic paste coating in mouth and no taste buds combined with nausea results in no appetite!  Fuzzy head and bone pain joining in today.  I think I know more what to expect and that there is an end (hopefully!). I think I will go back for another acupuncture treatment very soon and see if it can help with some side effects. 
It is looking more and more like I will have to endure radiation after chemo is done.  I talked to Dr Wendt (chemo dr) about it to get an opinion other than from a radiologist.  He said most likely and that yes radiologist would probably say it should be done.  He did say "to a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail!"  I told him that is what I thought and why I was curios what someone besides a radiologist would say. Time will tell.
Halloween was quiet for us this year.  Actually, Thanksgiving and Christmas will be too.  I have fourth chemo on Monday before Thanksgiving, so Bruce and Clark will do most of cooking!  Good way to get everyone involved. 
I have to say I am glad Pink-October is over.  Too much pink for me!
Not much else for now, my brain is foggy and I have more difficulty than normal remembering things!!
Thanks again for all the love, support and prayers.  We appreciate everything soooo much!
Sara ♥♥♥

Here's a link to something I found interesting:
http://www.thescarproject.org/
http://www.thescarproject.org/gallery/

WHAT A GREAT LOOK!!!

My sister Caty was here for long weekend.  We kept pretty busy.  Did a couple walks, had a mani/pedi, had a facial and went to Vance's basketball game.  We rented a couple movies, both really bad!!  It was a great visit and really helped us to reconnect.  We spent some quality time just talking on the patio, thankfully weather has cooled a bit here!  This weekend was the first time I actually wore one of my wigs out.  It was pretty itchy and I felt like it was really obvious that it was a wig!  Saturday we had lunch at the Biltmore golf restaurant (where Clark bar tends).  After lunch we walked around the resort.  There was a group of ladies visiting in one of the sitting areas.  We walked by and one said to me "I love your hair!  It is such a great look!"  I said thanks as we laughed and quickly walked by.  We had many laughs about that the rest of the weekend.
I am feeling pretty good overall.  I get tired pretty easily and my appetite is still really weird.  I am really dreading next Monday's treatment #3.  I pretty much know what to expect and I do not like it!  It is funny to do all these things just because of statistics!  I have to keep telling myself how fortunate I am to help me keep doing what I am supposed to do.  Hopefully I will only have minimal side effects for the rest of the week as I prepare for Monday. Booohooo!                                                            
We continue to have such wonderful support and help!  Thanks for all the thoughts, love, and prayers!
♥♥ Sara ♥♥

Getting a facial!

Looking Fabulous!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                    

I BLEED PINK!!!!

Obviously this is "breast cancer awareness" month.  I don't think there is any reason I would be particularly sensitive to it but it is everywhere!  I hear, see and read pink every time I turn around!  I am so grateful for all the work other people and groups have put toward the fight against breast cancer, but I think it is just a little to close to home right now.  Drew wore pink shoelaces and Vance wore pink socks in their games for me this week ♥.  So many people walked  and wore pink for me.  I am so glad they can do it right now because in my heart I support it 100%, but my body is not cooperating right now. So I will just bleed pink in support right now! 
This week has been a little more tolerable than the first time around.  Dr. Wendt made sure I had proper pharmaceuticals to make side effects less intense.  I have never taken so many pills in my life but I will assume they are helping.  My description of chemo is "a never ending tequila and red wine hangover, after running a marathon!"  Actually, I have never run a marathon but think the end result would feel about the same.  I am extremely sore and have frequent waves of nausea.  The hardest part is the fatigue.  I will get a burst of energy, get something done (like picking up dog poop!) and be thoroughly exhausted and even out of breath!  I have a harder time than usual focusing and can't even read a book :(.  I have to say I have not been very productive lately!  (That comes from childhood, when Harley used to tell us "just do something productive!")  I will say that although I feel like shit much of the time I do consider myself to be very fortunate.  I can do nothing and be unproductive without guilt.  I am blessed to be in a situation where I can focus on the "pink" fight without other excessive worries.  My sister is coming from Florida on Thursday for a long weekend.  I am looking forward to her visit and hope I am on the upside of round two.  Either way it will be great to have her here!  Vance is taking driving test on Monday.  Having his license will be very helpful, except then I will just worry about him driving! 
That is all I can think of right now.  I am definitely feeling what they call "chemo brain".   Which  makes a person's brain feel foggy, cloudy and forgetful!   I am sure it is from the chemicals!
Thanks for all the continuing support, help, love and prayers! 
Sara ♥♥♥                                                                                                                                                    

Round Two.

I have felt pretty good overall the past week.  Still tired and not really much of an appetite.  I have managed to get caught up on some things before Monday.  Round two chemo at 9:15 a.m.  According to things I have read, some side effects are worse and some not as bad.  I am not sure what to expect, but I am not really scared this time.  My hair is pretty much gone, very very thin amounts left.  I wear a turban type hat around house, so I look like a fortune teller.  I went out twice with hat/wig.  I felt pretty self conscious but getting used to it all a little bit at a time.
Vance had his 16th birthday on Saturday.  Having a moonlight bowling party next Saturday.  I will have to stay home and let Bruce man the crowd!   Vance can get his drivers license in a week, which will be really helpful. 
Seems like I have more to report, but I can't remember right now!  (One side effect of chemo, or maybe just age??).  I will check in with round two report as soon as I am able! 
Thanks for love, prayers and support!  ♥ Sara ♥

That Was Way Too Fast!

Hair is pretty much gone!  Fell out by handfuls :(.  Sheila and Cheryl used my clippers and shaved what was left down to about half an inch.  I totally look like a chemo patient now!  I have to actually go out in public today.  Well, it is just to doctors office, but that it out of safety of my house.  Now I not only have to figure out what clothes to wear but what the hell to put on my almost bald head.   Baseball cap with hair attached or my short wig are in the finals. They all make me nervous!
I am still feeling pretty good.  Walked a couple miles again, felt great.  I have a bit more of an appetite, but not for same things I used to like.  Not too much else to report this morning. 
Love to everyone  ♥ Sara ♥

It is Happening...............

It is really happening.  Ahhhhhhh.  My hair is definitely falling out in mass amounts.  Started off with itchy, tingly scalp.  Then the comb FULL of hair,  Now hair everywhere.  I should just cut really short, maybe tomorrow.  People keep saying "you will look nice, even bald."  Ready or not it is here.  Hopefully I can embrace it soon enough.  I was  thinking  I will dress up as Saturday Night Live's cone head for Halloween!!
I had a fever and a seroma (fluid filled golf ball thing under my arm) the past few days.  Had it drained today and on some more antibiotics.  Hopefully controllable, drain it again Friday.
I felt good this morning, took girl dogs on a couple mile walk.  Great to be out in civilization.  Hoping to go rest of the week healthy before next Monday's poison treatment.
That's about all the news for now, Wigs and hats will be making debut way too soon!
Thanks for Love  ♥Sara♥

Chemo Cocktail????

This may be hard to believe, but there actually is a cocktail I don't like!  They call it a chemo cocktail.  It consists of a mixture of different toxic and poisonous ingredients.  People sometimes ask "what's your chemo cocktail?"  First time I heard it I thought the lady was trying to be funny.  Now I know what it means and every time I hear the word cocktail I think of chemo, maybe that's a good thing!!
I continue on the roller coaster of ups and downs this week.  Sunday and Monday were the worst so far.  I even fell off cliff of nausea into true vomit!  Along with that came a horrible headache.  Called the oncologist and got some little orange pills to help with nausea.  By Monday night I felt better.  Had chemo follow up on Tuesday, Dr. Wendt actually felt bad he hadn't handled situation and let it get to the point I felt so bad.  I didn't blame him but nice a doctor would apologize!  Anyway, he gave me a bunch of prescriptions to help next round go easier.
So, off to Wig Salon my friend Sharlene and I went.  A bit intimidating at first but then I found a couple I liked and actually felt relieved.  The wigs came with names, Catherine and Cleo.  I realized the wigs aren't the real issue, but being bald is.  According to statistics and my calculations, next Friday is the day!!!  I did get a short haircut on Wednesday to get a bit prepared.  I like it but I call it my 10 day haircut!!
Vance had a fever and body aches on Tuesday.  He came in my room after school and said he felt bad.  I put my hand on his forehead and said "oh, you are sick!"  Then all the sudden I said "Get out of my room!!!"  I was remembered I am  immune suppressed!  Didn't matter anyway, I felt pretty good Wednesday and Thursday.  Then Friday woke up with fever and body aches.  I am lying low today and hopefully can it fight off with whatever cells haven't been killed off!  I am hoping to have next week to refuel before treatment #2.
Well today is October 1st. The month of "Breast Cancer Awareness".   Unfortunately I am now aware of breast cancer every single day!! I used to think way too much attention was paid to just "breast" cancer. I am now grateful for all the effort people have put toward it! Havasu had their "walk for the cure today. Some of my friends walked on my behalf. They made it fun and I wish so much I was there to walk with them! Thanks girls!
Thanks everyone for the never ending love and support! ♥♥♥

♥ Lori, Mary Ann , Tami and Terri ♥

Fight Like A Girl Bedazzled !

Lynn there too, probably running! ♥

Have You Been Fitted for a Wig?

   Well this has been quite an interesting week.  I went for first chemo treatment on Monday.  Packed up laptop, books and Bruce!  Had a quick physical, talked to Dr. Wendt and off we went to pick which ugly brown chair to sit.  The nurse accessed my port, it did hurt but tolerable.  Then three hours of poisonous infusions.  Nothing too remarkable and we left.  I felt fine until about three o'clock, then to bed for night! I had to go back in the morning for "the injection"of nuelasta.  The drug that makes your body produce more white blood cells, because the chemo kills them along with all the other cells.  The main side effect?  Your bones hurt because the marrow is swelling.  Ouch, yes bones ache and have twangs of pain.  It is weird now because I actually feel sick, and I hate it.  Anyway, other typical symptoms, extremely tired and leaning off the cliff of nausea.  The roof of my mouth feels like it is coated with a layer of metallic paste, mmmm.
   Tami came to help out while Bruce was in Santa Barbara.  What a blessing.  She made my favorite tortilla soup and shrimp ceveche.  I did manage to eat and it was great!  So glad she was here to help Vance and his friend get their Togas together for the game, crowns and all. 
   Today a local group of women from a breast cancer group arranged a mani/pedi get together in Chandler.  I had originally said I would go until I was poisoned.  I took a shower and decided to go. I walked in a little late, they were all in pedi chairs. The nail lady asked if she could help me.  I said "umm, I'm here with a group?"  Ohhhhh, yes sit down she told me.  Like, oh you are one of them!  Well, I guess I am.  They were all so positive about all of it. Glad I went, now I am back in bed!
   Now, the question of the week.  Have you been fitted for a wig?  It is, once again, a memory jerker.  When my mother was going through chemo, she some how managed, to take my sister and I ice skating.  She fell on the ice and her wig fell off.  I picked it up, skated by her and literally plopped it on her head while she sat on the ice.  I am sure I just didn't want her to be embarrassed, which I probably only added to!  She did always laugh when retelling that story! 
I am going for a wig fitting Monday with a couple friends and fabulous hair Carol.  Then I think I will have her give me a short hair cut to make shedding less dramatic.  Caty sent me a few Halloween wigs, so I will have quite a selection! 
We have been so blessed with all the help and support from so many people.  Vance now "loves" meatloaf and says he never had it before! 
Thanks so much for absolutely everything and every prayer sent our way! ♥♥♥

Just Another "C" Word........

There will be no wasting time now.  Holy shit!  Chemo starts Monday morning at 9:00 am.  I am realizing there are so many phases in this battle.  Each one has so many unknowns and anxieties associated with it.  Seems like I finally get used to something and the next step is knocking at the door, kind of like a stalker.  I think we are attacking the real unknown pretty hard.  Three chemo drugs (TAC) at a time, every three weeks for a total of six weeks.  Total will be 18 weeks if all goes as planned.  Dr. Wendt says hair falls out at two weeks and four days.  I guess I'll find that out soon enough.  Once again, it is hard to separate the vanity from the treatment.  I have a hard time picturing myself bald.  What a frightful sight with scars, unfinished breasts and no hair!!  Unfortunately, it is real and happening.  I have looked at some wigs online, no scarves yet but probably will soon.  Once again as I read some other women's stories I am amazed how they handle things so calmly.  I guess it is just facing the facts and moving forward.  I think of it like swimming through mud!  I was given a couple prescriptions to start before chemo, anti-nausea and some sort of steroid to prevent allergic reaction.  It is weird to take things for something that doesn't feel real.  I feel pretty nervous about all of this, reading too much and worried about side effects.  Hopefully I will get some sleep and get through this without too many problems I have read about.  Thanks again for all the encouragement and love! ♥♥♥                                                                                                                                          

Keeping The Vanity in Check!!